Animal sounds by James!

This is my 18 month old nephew James. I don't think he could get any cuter! Esp. when you ask what a kitty or a dog says!
love this little man!

DATES DATES DATES!!!!!!!!

I am so excited to have some actual dates for IVF! Looks like we are ready to go!!!

Brian and I will be going to Chattanooga on November 9th for injection training, labwork and trial transfer!

Then November 14th is the endometrial biopsy and more bloodwork- yikes!
THEN... December 2nd I start STIMS

i am guessing we will head to Chattanooga around the 10th-ish for a likely retrieval date of the week of the 12th. We will stay there in between retrieval and transfer! I can't wait to bring Christmas decorations to make our rental house in chattanooga feel christmasy since we will be there over a week!
Tis the season for IVF and Christmas cheer- however, not sure how "cheerful" as I will be pumped full of hormones!

I spoke to Ascend Specialty Pharmacy today and i'm the lucky recipient of LOTS of meds coming my way! here is what's in store for me:
Letrazol- just in case i have endometriosis. It is supposed to help pre-IVF. I HATE this med. It made me feel awful when I have taken in the past!!!!!
Siazen- Growth hormone
Crinone- Progesterone
Follistim- FSH med
Novarel- HCG Trigger shot
Menopur- FSH med
Microdose Lupron
Baby asprin
prednisone

Anyone else taken this combo of meds?


I'm READY! Let's do this!

Just a little reinforcement friends :)

Love this! So very true

One last attempt didn't work

I'm so disappointed and as that fun awful day of the month arrives, so do the tears. Tears of not understanding once again why this can't be easier. Let down after let down, month after month...it is so heartbreaking.

We were so hopeful that somehow, miraculously we were going to get pregnant this month- with all of the supplements and accupuncture I am doing. I knew deep down that was next to impossible and I was right! Unfortunately we aren't pregnant. So, the first phase of IVF begins in November with a month of birth control, then shots, retrieval and transfer in December.
Looks like I will be having my endometrial biopsy in the next few days. JOY!

I am absolutely terrified this time around. I am exhausted and ready for this to be over with. Honestly if IVF #2 doesn't work, then I believe we are throwing in the towel. There is honestly only so much you can stand physically and mentally. And for people who have not gone through this and say even if it takes 10 times you should do whatever it takes. I want to tell them to try this just once- then come back and we will chat!
I pray I have the strength for all that comes with this over the next few months. It's a long, hard road.
Hoping and praying this works!

Fall is here!

This week has been super busy and still going strong as we have a bday party for our friends 1 year old this afternoon and then helping host a baby shower tonight! I did make 2 really yummy dip recipes this am and will share the EASY recipes :)


yesterday we had brians 10 year homecoming for college and enjoyed a beautiful day on the prettiest campus in the world.

Pretty day to be outside walking around!


Brian was the former president of Sigma Nu at Rhodes


Here are some pics of this amazingly beautiful campus!









We also had the grand opening for our cousins new fitness studio- Pure Barre. they opened another location over a year ago which has done tremendously well, so they opened store #2 in another part of town. I have still not tried the classes but am dying to- i'm a little worried I won't last the full hour that the class is! My doctor said not to change up my routine or do any new exercising, so I will definitely look forward to this later on. Hopefully post pregnancy, right? http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2010/oct/04/raise-the-barre/


This week it really cooled down here. I mean all the way down to 43 in a certain part of my territory that I was working in on Wednesday. It was also rainy and just chilled you to the bone! I need a few more weeks of 70 degrees before winter arrives!!!!!!!!
the dogs definitely enjoyed the fires we have had a few nights this week :)

A weekend outdoors!

The weekend in Memphis was amazing this weekend. 80s and sunny! I wanted to be outside constantly. So we did just that :)

Saturday, Brian and I went to the Ole Miss- Alabama game and had the best time! we went down Saturday with my sis in law and her boyfriend and couldn't have had more fun. We had some friends that were so hospitable and we tailgated with them at their tent in the Grove in Oxford...great day!
Kickoff was at 5 PM without a cloud in the sky in the 70's> The game was a blast... especially since Alabama won!






Sunday we took my 18 month nephew to the zoo. He was super cute and acted perfect!
The carousel was his favorite part of the zoo. He kept saying "again" when he wanted to ride it over and over and over! He is at such a cute age and we enjoyed him so much!

Endometrial biopsy date change!

Brian and I went to my OBGYN today to have this lovely procedure done. I stayed home from work today because I am sick with some sort of cold, sinus funk, etc. and have had fever. So I really didn't even get worked up about having my uterus prodded today feeling so crappy to begin with! We get there and have the infamous question..."IS THERE ANY CHANCE YOU COULD BE PREGNANT?" Hmmm, let's see, almost 2 years and no luck- not even with fertility treatments I will say no, more like hell no. However, we did "try" on our own this month (not expecting to get pregnant even the tiniest bit) but had to disclose the info. This was after a girl my husband knew who was in the waiting room came up to talk to him and said "Oh- you must be pregnant since y'all are here together." I wanted to come out of my chair and say "Hell no I am not pregnant. Sorry I am not like you where you are just here for your easy ultrasound. I am here to have a painful procedure to see if I can even GET pregnant" UGH!
So, back to the biopsy...the office called my RE in Chattanooga and explained the situation. So just to be on the safe side I get to anticipate this for another week and a half of so when I am "cleared" from not being pregnant!
I will keep you posted on how this goes in a week or so when we go back. Thanks for all the info for everyone that has had this done!!!

FREE Christmas cards for bloggers!

I can't think of more deserving group of bloggers to finally get something for FREE! Since all the extra money we save goes into fertility treatments/adoption fund these days!

Shutterfly is offering 25 free Christmas cards to bloggers. Here is the link...You just fill out the info which is super quick and easy!

http://www.shutterflycards.com/2011/10/bloggers-25-free-christmas-cards-from-shutterfly/68/

I feel like we should be holding Follistim, menopur and progesterone on our card this year...that pretty much sums up 2011! :)

Giuliana Rancic announced she has breast cancer :(

http://www.etonline.com/news/115230_Giuliana_Rancic_Announces_She_Has_Breast_Cancer/

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/10/giuliana-rancic-reveals-shes-battling-breast-cancer/1


Giuliana is one of my favorites. I have religiously watched their show and shed many tears feeling the emotions of everything they have experienced with infertility. I think she is about as real as they come!
I know the latest was they were doing IVF at CCRM in Colorado. Apparently Dr. Schoolcraft required a mammogram (THANK GOD!!!) and it showed she has a tumor in her breast and that she has breast cancer.
It made me so sad to hear this today and I hope that everything will be ok. I am her biggest cheerleader!!!

A special prayer request...

My heart hurts for a blog I came across (via other blogger friends asking to keep this family in our prayers)
I can't even imagine the pain they are enduring right now and thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers that they find the strength to make it through this...

http://missconception-ads.blogspot.com/2011/10/20-weeks-all-gone.html

endometrial biopsy nervousness!

I just got the call from my RE's office that my endometrial biopsy is Monday. They want to do one this month, then possibly another next month before December IVF.

To those of you that have had this procedure, How bad is it?

i am not looking forward to this, but I hope it can provide some answers!!!!!

Thanks!

A few laughs for your friday :)

These "classics" never get old!
Hope everyone has a good weekend!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8aprCNnecU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcLeJ8X5f5A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPAeXI5rN9E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8

Myth -vs- Truth

Today I have a heavy heart for a blogger friend who had a negative beta test. Thoughts and prayers are with you A!

This week I have seemed to be hearing so many of these, so found this list pretty appropriate.


Oh the infamous myths -vs- truths.
I know we have all heard every one of these and i'm sure we could fill up another page of many more!!!!
Sometimes I just want to scream if someone else tells me to just relax, or have some drinks and don't think about it. And my most favorite..."You are trying too hard. If you quit trying so hard you will get pregnant." OH, REALLY? Thanks for that tip...and do you have a MD attached to your name, specializing in RE? UGHHHHHH!
I could go on and on and on, but I won't :)
Instead I wanted to share this great list of myths -vs- truths created by RESOLVE- the national infertility organization http://www.resolve.org/
I think I may just hand copies of this to people when I hear any of these again!

Myths and Facts About Infertility

Myth: Infertility is a women's problem.

Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.

Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone. Join RESOLVE, a support group, or talk with others who are struggling to build a family, so that you won't feel isolated.

Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!

Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.

Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient.

Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.

Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant!

Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.

Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!

Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.

Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!

Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.

Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.

Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.

Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents!

Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.

Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.

Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.

Myth: I shouldn't take a month off from infertility treatment for any reason... I just know that this next month will be THE one!

Fact: It is important periodically to reassess your treatment and your parenting goal. Continuity in treatment is important, but sometimes a break can provide needed rest and renewal for the next steps.

Myth: I'll be labeled a 'trouble maker' if I ask too many questions.

Fact: The physician/patient team is important. You need to be informed about what treatments are available. What is right for one couple may not be right for another, either physically, financially, or emotionally. Don't be afraid to ask questions of your doctor.

A second opinion can be helpful. If needed, discuss this option with your physician.

Myth: I know I'll never be able to stop treatment until I have a pregnancy.

Fact: Pregnancy is not the only pathway to parenthood. You may begin to think more about parenthood than about pregnancy. You may long for your life to get back to normal. You may consider childfree living or begin to think of other ways to build a family.

Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!

Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.

Ready, Set...DECEMBER!

Well, it looks like we will be heading to Chattanooga for IVF in December. I am so excited we will be under the care of Dr. Murray at TRM in Chattanooga, TN http://www.trmbaby.com/welcome/rink_murray.shtml
I LOVE that he has more of a boutique type practice and doesn't do a ton of IVF's a month, so we will get the attention needed to have the perfect cycle!

My STIMS will start on December 2nd and we will be in Chattanooga about 8ish days after for the last few days of monitoring before retrieval. We are aiming for a 5 day transfer, so we will stay in Chattanooga in between retrieval and transfer, just in case we only get to a 3 day. I am sad because I am missing Bob Seger on the 10th in memphis. Yes, I love my old school classic rock and Bob is one of my favs!

I am such a homebody and love to be at home, so I think this will be the hardest part for me. BUT, my husband came up with a brilliant idea. getting on VRBO.com (vacation rentals by owner) to look for a house to rent.

1. It would be cheaper than a hotel
2. We could bring our dogs (who I have to have around and miss them terribly when we travel) and not have to pay a pet sitter :)
3. We would have a full size kitchen to cook, so all meals wouldn't be take out, etc. and
4. we will avoid killing each other in a tiny hotel room :)!!!!!!!!!!

I love this idea, so I have been busy trying to find the perfect place to settle in for the week we are there. trying to negotiate prices since I am sure the 2nd week of December isn't a heavy travel week for most.
I told brian I want to put some Christmas decorations up since I will be missing ours from home during my favorite time of year!!!!

In early November I am going to have an endometrial biopsy (first time to have one) to make sure the lining of my uterus can support a pregnancy. here is more about the procedure:
An endometrial biopsy is a way for your doctor to take a small sample of the lining of the uterus (endometrium ). The sample is looked at under a microscope for abnormal cells. An endometrial biopsy helps your doctor find problems in the endometrium. It also lets your doctor check to see if your body's hormone levels that affect the endometrium are in balance.

Sounds fun, right? My uterus probably really hates me. But I guess I am not a big fan of mine since it won't do what I want it to!!! haha

Then we will go to Chattanooga in late November for injection training and a trial transfer.

Until then- lots of accupuncture, supplements, positive thoughts and preparing my body for IVF #2!

Hopefully some of my blogger friends will be stimming around the same time.

Counting down the days until DECEMBER!

Thank you Brian-

I started looking back at all of my old pictures a few days ago and just smiled at all the wonderful times Brian and I have had. I really am the luckiest girl in the world to be married to him and decided to make a montage of pics with our great memories for him! I couldn't imagine going through the hard infertility world with anyone else! You are the best brian!

What IF?

I really loved this video- she did a great job expressing the thoughts and feelings of people struggling with infertility. And the "IF" standing for infertility really hit home...
One out of 8 couples is affected with infertility.
I'm not giving up this fight. Because there would always be the "what IF's" every day, for the rest of my life.
We will beat infertility!

http://vimeo.com/keikozoll/whatif

My animal rescue story...

Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together, when everyone else would understand if you fell apart... that's true strength." ~Author Unknown



I love this quote.

A huge passion of mine is animal rescue- particularly dog rescue. The shelters in this area are deplorable and the euthanasia rate is sickening and unacceptable. I do all that I can to help dogs in need to find a safe place and have rescued over 100 this year.

I can't tell you how many times this has entered my head with all the dog rescue work I do.
I have rescued a ton of dogs and it's not easy. The pain, heartache and stress of trying to network, find fosters, arrange transportation etc. is a true challenge. It's easy to give up, but who else do they have?

Then you look at the stories of these precious souls getting their second chance at life and every bit of heartache that comes with the territory is worth it. And it inspires you to help the next dog.

here are a few babies that inspire me every day. They had nothing until I came into their lives and gave me the ability to pave the way to a new and much better life ahead. Many of these sweet dogs have found refuge up North thanks to some incredible rescue groups!!!!!



Hope- The most pitiful rescue I have had yet. she was severely abused and wouldn't come near anyone for days. She made a ton of progress, and is still coming around slowly.i hate to think of the pain she endure her first few weeks of life that has scarred this girl forever. My sweet father adopted her and patiently works with her every day to help her understand what the good life is :)


George Yoakum. He was from a horrible shelter in Abbyville Louisiana. I rescued him and fostered him until August. I found a great family who adopted him and he is living in Memphis! He had so much personality and made me laugh every day.


Sophie was at the jackson Rabies Control one hour from Memphis. she was scheduled for euthanization the day we pulled her. She has gone to MAss. to live with my friend Tracy's sister and is super spoiled! I love my Sophie updates :) This girl could JUMP. We had our window in the office open in the Spring and before I knew it she was leaping out the window. She truly is a small dog trapped in a big dog's body- loves to swim and play catch.


Sweet rosie. this sweet girl had my heart. She was so timid and shy- such a sweet and gentle dog. She had been in a terrible dog fight and had extensive surgery- tubes in throat, etc. She was adopted to a wonderful family here in memphis!


This is Lucy. I rescued her 1 hour before she was scheduled for death in Bolivar, TN at the worst shelter I have ever seen. her "owners" dropped her off and didn't care one bit she was going to be put to sleep. She was so sweet and thankful and just smiled even though she had no teeth! She went to a wonderful rescue group in NJ and has been adopted!


Another of sweet George. I had a hard time letting this little guy go...


Penny Lane was pulled from the Bolivar shelter too hours before being put to sleep. My sister fostered her and she was adopted through a wonderful rescue group here in memphis!


These baby labs were living outside and were so tiny! They were all adopted in memphis!


This is sweet Piper. A dog who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Another dog attacked her so she stood up for herself (wouldn't you???) and bit the dog who bit her. the owner immediately took her to the vet to be euthanized. Luckily I was called and told this dog was so sweet and highly adoptable. Idiot owner. She is now living with an older couple in a small town outside of memphis and super spoiled!



This bunch was dropped off at the shelter in Bolivar to be killed. They were so little and precious! 2 were adopted in Memphis (thanks kelly and ruth!) and the rest went to Chicago to a fabulous rescue group!


This is Aubie- now adopted by my friend megan's mother. This little baby was at the horrific Abbyville, LA shelter- gas chamber shelter!
"

Sweet daisy Mae also came from Abbyville. she was adopted by my friend megan after she fostered and fell in love!



This is AJ- one of my first rescues. I found this guy on the side of the road easting trash in a rural town while working in my territory. he was incredibly skinny and struggling to stay alive. he traveled the 2 hours back to memphis with me (asleep in my lap the whole way) and was adopted by my friend Traci. he is beautiful and so loved!



Lacey was so precious! She headed up North and was adopted to a great family!


Princess Flower- she was also known as "Wags" at the shelter because she wags her tail in a complete circle. well, this little one is STILL here at our house and has been since February. I have fallen in love with this precious baby and am still convincing Brian we need her forever! I can't say enough wonderful things about this precious little girl. I adore her!



I pulled this sweet chi girl from Bolivar shelter just moments before being put to sleep. She was at our house 2 hours before her great rescue group that agreed to take her came to pick her up. I would have to say she loved being at the shelter and having a lap to sit on! Sweet little girl!


Mo, Tutti and Lucy leaving for transport to NJ!!!!!!!


Jack was rescued by me minutes before the shelter closed for euthanizai=tion. I am talking down to the minute! He headed to a rescue group up North :)

sampson came to the shelter with Jack. he was a senior and so sweet. My friend stacy fostered him and the minute he got to her house he jumped in the pool! he was so excited to be out of the shelter. He went to the rescue in NY as well and was adopted by the president of their humane society!

The odds were stacked against Laurs. Black dog and pit bull mix. He didn't have a chance. When I walked into the shelter I immediately wanted to give this guy a chance. I called my friend Trent who agreed to help me with this sweet boy. he named him Laurs (after me :) ) and he is still living with Trent a block away loving life. I will never forget pulling this sweet boy and the smile on his face on our ride home. He wanted to have his hand touching me the whole hour ride home!

and one more of Hope- Made my heart melt to see Brian working so hard to help her get comfortable!!!!

This is chloe. this girl was covered in fleas and ticks and was pitiful! she stayed with us a couple of months and I adored her. I found a wonderful family who has moved outside of memphis that loves this sweet girl who is so big now!


This sweet girl was rescued from Bolivar shelter on her final day and fostered by my friend Dabney. her little girl Tatum named her Tutti. Hilarious! She was adopted up North in NJ!

A RESCUE POEM

Once I was a lonely dog, just looking for a home.
I had no place to go, no one to call my own.
I wandered up and down the streets, in rain in heat and snow.
I ate whatever I could find, I was always on the go.

My skin would itch, my feet were sore, my body ached with pain.
And no one stopped to give a pat or a gently say my name.
I never saw a loving glance, I was always on the run.
For people thought that hurting me was really lots of fun.

And then one day I heard a voice so gentle, kind and sweet,
and arms so soft reached down to me and took me off my feet.“
No one again will hurt you,” was whispered in my ear.
“You’ll have a home to call your own where you will know no fear.“

You will be dry, you will be warm, you’ll have enough to eat.
And rest assured that when you sleep, your dreams will all be sweet.”
I was afraid I must admit, I’ve lived so long in fear.
I can’t remember when I let a human come so near.

And as she tended to my wounds and bathed and brushed my fur,
she told me about the rescue group and what it meant to her.
She said, “We are a circle, a line that never ends.
And in the center there is you, protected by new friends.“

And all around you are the ones that check the pounds,
and those that share their home after you’ve been found.“
And all the other folk are searching near and far
to find the perfect home for you, where you can be a star.”

She said, “There is a family, that’s waiting patiently,
and pretty soon we’ll find them, just you wait and see.“
And then they’ll join our circle they’ll help to make it grow,
so there’ll be room for more like you, who have no place to go.”

I waited very patiently, the days they came and went.
Today’s the day I thought, my family will be sent.
Then just when I began to think it wasn’t meant to be,
there were people standing there just gazing down at me.

I knew them in a heart beat, I could tell they felt it too.
They said, “We have been waiting for a special dog like you.”
Now every night I say a prayer to all the gods that be.
“Thank you for the life I live and all you’ve given me.“

But most of all protect the dogs in the pound and on the street.
And send a Rescue Person to lift them off their feet.”

Arlene Pace September 18, 1998

why can't we have that?

I have hit a wall. the wall that many people struggling with infertility often bang their head against!

I think this time of year is especially hard. Fall festivals, people out strolling babies in the nice weather more than usual, decorating for Halloween, etc. Everything is geared towards family and children. Why can't we have a double stroller filled with little ones? Why does this have to be so hard? It seems like everyone I know just gets pregnant when they even look at their husband. I'm jealous.

I have been having one of those nights where I feel hopeless and not able to understand why this has to be so hard for us. I am worried about our upcoming IVF cycle in December and have started the "What-if's?" I am thankful my insurance covers one more IVF during my lifetime, but that also scares me. It's not fair how much money people have to put into this when there are so many freaking people that don't want kids and have them!

There is a BIG part of me that wants to get the ball rolling with adoption. We have talked to several different agencies and are looking into a domestic adoption. we actually started investigating this pre August IVF and we have been saving every penny for adoption because it is SO expensive! We are trying to decide which agency we like best. What gives me hope is several friends adoption stories and how it gave them the family they longed for. There is a good tax credit for adoption, and my company gives a 5,000 adoption assistance- this will definitely help!

I guess I am just being impatient. I need to chill out and adjust my attitude. I do think it's ok to have lots of days like this and we just want this NOW. So very badly. We would give anything!

I am going to print this off and put it on my refrigerator, car, dresser, etc. just to remind me of the truth in this and that I need to fully comply with this every day!




Thanks for letting me vent :)