I think this time of year is especially hard. Fall festivals, people out strolling babies in the nice weather more than usual, decorating for Halloween, etc. Everything is geared towards family and children. Why can't we have a double stroller filled with little ones? Why does this have to be so hard? It seems like everyone I know just gets pregnant when they even look at their husband. I'm jealous.
I have been having one of those nights where I feel hopeless and not able to understand why this has to be so hard for us. I am worried about our upcoming IVF cycle in December and have started the "What-if's?" I am thankful my insurance covers one more IVF during my lifetime, but that also scares me. It's not fair how much money people have to put into this when there are so many freaking people that don't want kids and have them!
There is a BIG part of me that wants to get the ball rolling with adoption. We have talked to several different agencies and are looking into a domestic adoption. we actually started investigating this pre August IVF and we have been saving every penny for adoption because it is SO expensive! We are trying to decide which agency we like best. What gives me hope is several friends adoption stories and how it gave them the family they longed for. There is a good tax credit for adoption, and my company gives a 5,000 adoption assistance- this will definitely help!
I guess I am just being impatient. I need to chill out and adjust my attitude. I do think it's ok to have lots of days like this and we just want this NOW. So very badly. We would give anything!
I am going to print this off and put it on my refrigerator, car, dresser, etc. just to remind me of the truth in this and that I need to fully comply with this every day!
Thanks for letting me vent :)
Wow, I love that quote at the end. So true!
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely entitled to days like this. We all have them. It is absolutely not fair what you've had to go through for something that comes so easily to others.
The good part about days like these is that they usually don't last, and hopefully soon you'll be hopeful again. Hang in there, December will be here before you know it xo
I've been where you are now. It'll get better and things will work out. Patience and persistence, beautiful girl. Never give up hope.
ReplyDeleteoh boy we have all been there. IF is terrible especially when it hits ya from behind! I am dreading halloween- we have a FULL neighborhood and it breaks my heart sitting on the front steps seeing them all flood our sidewalk :(
ReplyDeleteHave you had any luck on agencies, finding one that you like? We started looking around as well, but OMG overwhelming!
Thinking about you...
I think your feelings are totally normal. We all feel that way. It is hard to be patient when it seems like no one else has to. Hang in there! Only 2 more months until IVF! Maybe you will get twins and end up with your double stroller after all! :)
ReplyDeleteYour posts take the words out of a lot of women's mouths (or should I say the tips of their fingers). You're mirroring a frustration and sadness and confusion so many unfairly have to feel. I'm so sorry for this process, but I must say I'm always inspired by the way you see beautiful too.
ReplyDeleteHi Lauren! I'm so terribly sorry for all that you and your husband have endured. I've been reading your past few posts and feel like we're on the same page with many of our thoughts!!
ReplyDeleteThe quote you included is perfect!
You're so right...some people blink and are pregnant! Again and again. I keep telling myself and know deep down in my heart...when our time comes, it is going to be that much sweeter...and no matter what, it will all be SO worth it!
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!
Ps-I loved your post on animal rescue. You're a wonderful, beautiful, generous woman. You're going to make an amazing Mama!!
*you live in TN...amazing! :)
Lots of love!
Xo
Maria